My First Time

Review

2011-10-23T18:46:00.000-04:00

Loving my first "official" review....with all the back to school madness, I haven't had a chance to share the link. So, finally, here it is at The Chick Lit Bee!

The Chick Lit Bee

2011-08-27T09:14:00.002-04:00

Check for South Beach Solution posts on Facebook at The Chick Lit Bee page. Also, The Chick Lit Bee is on Twitter and tweeting about it too!

Need something to read while you're waiting out Hurricane Irene? Make South Beach Solution your solution. Download your copy today at Amazon.com.

Check It Out

2011-08-12T07:04:00.000-04:00

Check out South Beach Solution featured in the digital domain section of the popular British based Chick Lit Club. Brilliant.

Going Indie

2011-07-22T14:19:00.054-04:00

Kathryn Stockett, the author of the the widely popular book, The Help, had sixty rejections before she landed an agent. Sixty! I had about twenty, including three bites and the exclusive request on the manuscript. But at the end of the day, there's no deal on the table -- no enchilada.

That's ok. The tremendous amount I've learned over the past few years has been invaluable and will, I hope, help me build a better book and some day land an agent. For now, I've decided to go the self-publishing route and my book will be available as an ebook for your iPad, iPhone, PC, Mac, Kobo, Nook, Kindle, Sony Reader, etc...

Wow. Now there’s an interesting process. I had hired an editor after I completed my first draft (to whom I’m SO grateful and learned so much) but the reality is that most books also require a line editor, copyeditor, proofreader, jacket copy writer, bio writer, cover art designer and digital formatter--an entire team so to speak. Somehow, I still managed to come up with a finished product.

I’ll talk more about self-publishing and its pros and cons in a later post (for those of you considering it), but for now, I’d like to encourage you to download your copy of South Beach Solution by Cora Porter (I had to say it) available at Amazon.com. Also, see it featured at chicklitbee.com

The genre is chick lit and it’s still summer -- the perfect time of year for a light, sexy and fun beach read. Enjoy!

My next project is a different genre, more serious. Details later.

Check out Kathryn Stockett's story (for a little inspiration) and this New York Times article on self-publishing -- more on that in the next post.

INSPIRATION

2011-06-11T07:29:00.002-04:00

http://www.examiner.com/book-in-national/30-famous-authors-whose-works-were-rejected-repeatedly-and-sometimes-rudely-by-publishers

Thanks JC for helping me lick the salt out of my wounds. A little inspiration goes a long way.

REJECT

2011-06-10T14:21:00.008-04:00

I would like to say I'm writing this post with reserved detachment. I'd like to report absolutely no emotional reaction to the thin rejection letter I received today in my SASE (ya know, the self-addressed, stamped envelope you send with your manuscript so you can make rejection delivery as simple as possible for editors and agents). I'd like to tell you that I didn't cry for a minute in my kitchen once I processed the rejection. But I can't.

Yes, it was my first novel. Yes, it's taken forever to get from A to R (rejection). Yes, I was pretty amazed that I was able to impress two agents with my query letter. Yes, I'm aware, that statistically the chances of writing a break-out first novel are damn slim.

However, I can't feign indifference and practicality at this point. I was bummed, really bummed. But, I'm ready to cry monkey and ready to move forward. And like any optimist worth his (or her) salt, the best I can do is pat myself on the back for reaching a personal goal and feel thankful for how much I learned about writing, publishing, editing, querying and even myself during the process. The truth is, writing is damn hard work and takes lots of time - something I could really use more of, or should be making more of.

Now the question is what next? Write a new book? Start something else? I'm not sure. I thought about self-publishing this book but I'm not convinced it's THE book. That's telling me something. Thinking, thinking, thinking....and movin' on.

THE END
- for now

Many many thanks for the loving support and encouragement of great friends and family. Happy face here. Really.

Ironically, I just read this in an e-mail from a pitch conference in NYC, literally twenty minutes after reading "the rejection letter":

If you believe you don't have to be an apprentice at your craft for years before you can hope to write a publishable ms, then you are fooling yourself in the worst way.

Frey's Fry

2011-05-17T17:40:00.012-04:00

James Frey. Oh, how I loved A Million Little Pieces. I couldn't get to My Friend Leonard fast enough and when I finished, I loved that too. His writing style, his story, the drama, the trauma...I was hooked and enamored. My book club girls and I were abuzz over the James Frey books as were many people across the country. But then...the Oprah fiasco. Frey's harrowing true story of rehab and redemption was perhaps not so true after all. It was fiction based on true events, but none-the-less fiction and misrepresented. Oprah was one of Frey's biggest fans and supporters. The revelation left her mortified.

She was so hard on him. I was annoyed with what some referred to as a total evisceration of him that broadcast across public television in January, 2006. Ouch. It wasn't pretty and ended up being quite controversial. Today, however, I watched the second part of a two part interview of Frey on Oprah. This time, five years later, he apologized again for his fabrications and duplicity and she, alas, apologized for her delivery and harshness admitting to a bruised ego and her own embarrassment over the entire debacle. She seemed genuinely amazed that she'd been able to find more compassion for murderers and child molestors that had been on her show than she could for James Frey.

Though I was disappointed with Frey's misrepresentation and felt a little duped myself by his books, it didn't make me like them any less. But his admission sort of knocked the wind out of my sails so to speak. I didn't go on about his books anymore and just sort of moved on to the next author.

At some point, I remember wondering if Frey had relapsed, gotten lost again in his addictions. I thought about him every now and again curious as to what happened to him. He wrote a few more books. I never got to them. But what else? What was really going on with James Frey? Did he get over the humiliation of it all? Was he humbled? Outraged? Traumatized? Was there life after being flayed by the almighty Oprah? I say that with endearment; I have always been an Oprah fan.

Turns out Frey moved to France and lived a quiet life for a while, enjoying his wife, small daughter and the peacefulness of living abroad. He admitted to being sickened by the thought of returning to the United States and facing all that had gone down. But Frey had deeper suffering ahead. Sadly, he'd lost a son, at eleven days old, to an incurable neurological disorder. The Oprah incident was meaningless. He'd suffered much worse. But there has been no relapse. Frey said he didn't want the headlines after the Oprah incident and has since maintained sobriety. Not always easy. Frey says the hole in his heart from the loss of his child is and always will be a raw and open wound.

Today, he's living in New York city with his wife and two children and runs a unique literary agency that has seen much success. He's surviving and thriving and grateful for the family and friends who stood by him. He's also as confident as ever in his writing skills and just released a new novel, The Final Testament to the Holy Bible. Ballsy title. Please excuse the French. I'm curious though. If I were a cynic, I'd think it was all a brilliant marketing ploy. Instead, I'm encouraged by the the story within the story - Media Mogul and Talented Author Make Up and Life Goes On (and goes on well if you let it).

Thanks James and Oprah for redeeming yourselves. Both of you.

The Original Point of this Blog

2011-03-31T17:00:00.015-04:00

So, about that book...

People have continued to ask about my book (thank you for being interested!) and, well, things are moving along. I'm starting to exhale a bit after a second wind this summer. What a process! And here's how it went:

Vacation in South Beach - inspiration for a book! Decided to write the book, told friends, "Hey, I'm writing a book" (a little accountability goes a long way). Started the book. Wrote a big chunk of the book. Loved the book. Hated the book. Stopped writing the book- is this what I really want to do? CAN I do this? Picked it up again. Liked the book. Wrote some more. Almost there. Got distracted. Stopped the book. But hey, I almost wrote a whole book! I must finish. Finished the book. Didn't do anything with the book. Read the book again. Wanted to eat the book. Made some changes, but stuck with the original genre. Hired an editor. Love her! Took a long time to do the edits. Did them anyway, they're done. Furiously read anything and everything about query letters, agents and publishers.

Well, turns out the query is pretty much as important as the book. Sweated through that thing and then hit send...about twenty times. My first rejection was a curt, "No, thank you." In the words of Junie B. Jones, my daughter's favorite six-year-old heroine, I sure did slump around on that day. Of course I'll get rejected. What was I thinking taking all that time to write a book?! But, then the words of my editor crept into my head..."This is a business of perseverance Cora...I know far inferior writers who get published because they're so damn persistent. Don't give up. Persevere." Ok, so then I felt a little perkier and made some changes to the query - sent more out. Rejection, rejection, rejection. I hate e-mail. But then...YES! an agent wants a synopsis and the first fifty pages. WHAT?!?! And as I'm working on that synopsis another request from an agent whose submission guidelines request the first fifty pages. If I can make a few suggested changes she wants to the whole manuscript, to view exlusively. OMG!!! I have work to do!

It took me a while to get to this point, over two years and most of it was written in the early morning hours - before my kids woke up, before my real life started. And really, no matter what happens (only a humbling 2% of new submissions are picked up), it's been a great experience.

Keep you posted...

Chill Factor

2010-12-22T16:05:00.010-05:00

I am so relaxed. It's three days until Christmas, not one gift is wrapped and we are heading out of town the day after tomorrow. That means packing on top of the Christmas madness. It's a hectic time of year (no kidding) and every mother I know is juggling school concerts and holiday parties, shopping, wrapping, returning, adding to the list, Christmas decorating, Christmas cards, cookie baking, dinner planning, kids' outfits, cleaning the house, volunteering and the plethora of other things that come up this time of year (along with things that stay, like grocery shopping and laundry). Cross one thing off the list and two more creep up - it's inevitable. Or, like me, if you finish shopping early it seems strange to be done so you just end up buying more stuff, for more people.

We work hard because we want it to be special for our kids, we want to create good memories and we want them to be happy. We work hard because we are supposed to and if we don't, who will? Sometimes, it's difficult to sit back and take in all the holiday goodness that also comes with this time of year.

But there are important things to remember here: - 1) as busy at it is, we are blessed to have such problems. 2) despite the chaos, it IS a great time of year and 3) it all gets done - really, it does. And whatever doesn't get done wasn't all that important anyway.

So, instead of stressing and freaking out, I'm opting to chill this year. Tonight I'm going out. The unwrapped presents? I can worry about those tomorrow.

It all gets done. Really.

Happy Holidays.

Christmas with some Mazel Tov

2010-12-05T16:40:00.020-05:00

This year our Christmas season started with a Bat Mitzvah. Yesterday my friend's daughter had her special day at Temple in the town in which I grew up. I spent the morning in services listening to the ceremony and feeling transported by the cantor's ethereal Hebrew singing. By 9:00 PM the religious music was replaced by a slick mix of tunes spun (do they still spin?) by a very talented DJ. And yes, it was one of THOSE Bat Mitzvahs - comparable to some weddings decorated like a swank night club with billowy white walls, lounge areas, VIP tables - we were all VIPs, and even young dancers (guys and gals) hired to keep the crowd moving. After the cocktail hour I barely stopped to eat - who needs food when you can literally dance a night away?

Now, I have not been to a Bat Mitzvah in over twenty-five years but I can honestly say it was the most fun I've had at any Bat Mitzvah. Ever. Maybe it was the cute twenty something that I got to dance with until my husband told me maybe I should stop dancing like THAT, or maybe it was the apple martinis or perhaps feeling festive overall now that December is officially here. Maybe it was just that my friend and her husband organized a fantastic event for their daughter. Whatever IT was, the night was spectacular.

Also though, and importantly, I'm appreciative of tradition. Hanging out with some tight friends, celebrating a young girl's hard work, being a part of a special day and remembering the value of friends and family through a religious ceremony and rockin' party were not lost amongst the DJ's groovy tunes.

It was a really uplifting way to start the Christmas countdown. Mazel Tov one more time to our host and hostess. :)

Oh yeah...during the photo montage, the first song they played was "Seasons of Love" from the Rent soundtrack. I'm a fan of this uplifting song. Here's a link on Youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=110IA6Osx5Q

Love a Good Quote

2010-11-29T21:00:00.003-05:00

I love reading and sharing good quotes. Found this Ralph Waldo Emerson one in an old journal a few days ago. Short but simple:

"Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old."

HAPPINESS

2010-10-03T08:37:00.009-04:00

I can't take credit for this, but I read it somewhere and thought it was great. Happy reading. Happy Sunday.

How To Be Happy In Life - 9 Secrets for Living a Happier Life

Sometimes it appears that life throws more obstacles in our path than we can handle. However, even in the face of the most challenging circumstances, you can make the choice to be happy by following these 9 secrets to happiness.

1. Honor Yourself: Remember what the flight attendant says, "Put your own oxygen mask on first." You are of no use to anyone else if you have not taken care of your own needs first - this includes your own emotional, as well as physical, well-being.

2. Forgive Everyone For Everything: Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. YOU created the stress in your life by getting angry, and YOU can instantly remove that stress by granting forgiveness. Expressing your forgiveness to the other is optional - internalizing that forgiveness is required in order to live a joyful life. Don't forget to also forgive yourself for everything you regret ever having done or not done.

3. Have Gratitude For All Of Life: As with forgiveness, gratitude is a gift to yourself. Saying "thank you" is a powerful way to create great relationships, but the real power of gratitude is internalizing an immense thankfulness for your very existence - everything that has ever occurred or failed to occur in your life.

4. Respect Your Mind: Faith is powerful, but it is no substitute for observing, paying attention, weighing alternatives, and choosing with intention. Without conscious choice, there is no freedom or happiness.

5. Design Your Future: Don't be a passive tumbleweed blown by the winds of life. Envision the future you want, and then take action to create that future. Often, you will fail. Plan again and take action again.

6. Begin Today, and Never Give Up: There is no better time to begin than today - each and every "today." When obstacles stop you, think of new ways to reach your goals. In the words of the Oriental proverb, "Fall seven times, stand up eight."

7. Be Of Service To Others By Radiating Happiness: Being of service is one of the greatest paths to happiness, but remember that your greatest service to others is the person that you are, rather than the tasks you accomplish. Your greatest gift to others is to give them happiness, and by far the most powerful way to do that is to be an example of happiness and to radiate that happiness to others.

8. Dance Lightly With Life: Life does not have to be a serious undertaking. You will make mistakes, you will feel regrets, and eventually, you will die - so what? Happiness comes from dancing lightly with life - playing hopscotch on the river of life - leaping gracefully from joy to joy while laughing at the threats of calamity - even laughing hysterically at our human frailness when we do fall into the muddy torrent.

9. Know Unity With Spirit: There are as many ways to connect with Spirit as there are people - each of us has our own way to receive strength and serenity from the Infinite. Your life will be happier if you acknowledge that you are not alone, become open to that presence, and create ritual to celebrate your connection. You may feel your bond with Spirit at the Lord's Supper, in Songs of Praise, in Calls to Prayer, in Meditation, while doing Yoga or Qigong, or while walking in the woods. However you connect with Spirit, do it today.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

PERFECT DAY

2010-08-12T07:43:00.016-04:00

This summer has been a blur. A fun, kid filled, blur. Play dates, shuttling kids back and forth to summer camp, pool, beach, lake, picnics, playgrounds, day trips, errands with my little one, mini home projects and alas mediating when everyone gets on each other's nerves. And, like each summer, it's a time for bonding with my kids, lots of laughs and of course moments of wanting to pull my hair out of my head in frustration.

A few weeks ago I was in the middle of camp drop off chaos when I looked up to watch all three of my children walking ahead of me. My oldest was carrying a bucket and a net, his hair was sticking up like Alfalfa and his head was down as he surveyed the area ahead for bugs and critters. My petite girly looking girl who is more tomboy than princess walked behind in her soccer cleats with a bandanna around her head, determined to kick ass at her first day of soccer camp. In the back walked my little one...my burly, husky voiced, scrapper, whose hair won't grow long and who is often mistaken for a boy, was shuffling along in high heeled princess shoes and a pink tulle tutu. It was a quick flash of summer and a snapshot of the essence of my children that I won't forget. I wish I'd had my camera.

So, despite all the running around, it's been fun. My son is loving his environmental camp and has me motivated to compost and start a garden next year - something a little more advanced than our mostly herb garden of basil, cilantro, mint, rosemary and hot peppers. I'm trying to be more green and it's sorta cool when your kid is the one motivating you to kick it up a notch. We're getting there. I could do a whole post on the challenges of greening a family of five. I literally cringe and get a huge wave of guilt every time I use a zip lock bag. Progress.

The few days I've had a sitter have mostly been spent doing errands and getting things done before I rush back home to put back on my Julie McCoy hat.

Well, today I had a sitter lined up. And, not many errands to do. I was thinking pool, tennis lunch. My Day. My Summer Day. Ahhhh. It was supposed to segue into a trip up to the lake this weekend with my girls and my first go at SUP (stand up paddle). I have been trying to take this sport on since last summer. And I still can't find the time (violins, please).

Until of course at 2:30 AM in came my middle daughter complaining about her stomach...five minutes later there was a blur of sheets and blankets being ripped off the bed and shoved in the washing machine, then at 4:30 my little one, then a few hours later my oldest. All sick. All moaning. All miserable.

Yeah, not looking like there is going to be much tennis, pool, lunch (ewww, feeling queasy myself), SUP or anything else for the next few days. Just more together time and not exactly the best kind of together time. But, I'm their Mom and taking care of them is what I do. It's all good.

JERSEYLICIOUS

2010-07-16T17:00:00.004-04:00

Jerseylicious. What a great word. Jersey is hot. I'm not sure how many shows there are about our little garden state, but these days there seem to be plenty. But seriously, are these shows a good representation of the true essence of a Jersey girl? Are the "real" housewives of New Jersey really all that real? Um, not so much - fake boobs, fake nails, spray tans, tough "tauwk", clothes with designer labels and a McMansion does not a Jersey girl make. And, don't even get me started on "Jersey Shore" - just don't. We're a diverse state people! There are preps in New Jersey, and crunchy granola people and people of various ethnicities, and plain old white bread people and a whole lotta other kinda peeps.

So, while the tough talking gals you see on TV might represent one type of Jersey girl, I'm guessing (and hoping) people know that's NOT what all of us are about. Not that there's anything wrong with that - I watched a marathon of the "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" one day while I was cleaning out closets and I couldn't turn it off. I even watched last weeks train wreck of an episode and like most train wrecks, I just couldn't turn away despite the canned and absurd drama over nothing but nonsense. I'm thinking I just might tune in again on Monday. I can't really tell you why because a few weeks ago I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

And honestly, I'm down with the spray tan. I have no problem giving my pale Irish skin a little glow every now and then-it's healthier than baking in the sun or lying in a tanning bed and I'd rather be glowing bronze than alabaster. But, all the other bells and whistles I can do without. Except maybe my Brazilian blow out.

Also, for the record - nobody in New Jersey pronounces Jersey "Joisey". Nobody. And, while many of us enjoy our Jersey shore we do actually leave New Jersey. I spent the fourth of July at a lake in New York state. After dinner one night just as darkness started to fall, with no makeup, no nail polish, no hair gels, no nothing, I jumped in the lake. And I felt as Jerseylicious as ever.

Yes, Jersey girls visit other places and move to other states and bring with them all their Jersyliciousness. You certainly can take the girl out of New Jersey and even take the New Jersey accent out of the girl from New Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl. Why would you want to?

So, here is my little list of why it's great to be a Jersey girl.

* Attitude - whether you're a quiet Jersey girl (there is such thing) or a loud Jersey girl, we've all got some sass in there. You can push our buttons, but be warned if you do.

* Directness - saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I think this just might be a Jersey girl birth right.

* Confidence - love us or hate us, there's no doubt we can be pretty sure of ourselves.

* Resilience - we take our knocks like anyone else, but it's tough to keep a Jersey girl down.

* Good company - from Clara Barton and Harriet Tubman to Meryl Streep and Queen Latifah some damn good women come from our state.

* NYC - so close! Need I say more?

* Newark Airport - yeah, we can freaking fly almost anywhere. Direct.

* Mountain Access - skiing, hiking, mountains....not very far at all.

So, yes, TV is kind of giving us a bad rap these days. It's really sort of annoying. But, I still think it's great to be a Jerseylicious kind of woman.

"Jersey girls have that inner glow that makes them more beautiful than any other girl". - Bon Jovi

Cool Blog

2010-07-07T22:34:00.003-04:00

www.marcandangel.com

A friend sent me a link to this blog. I like it. Maybe you will too.

Happiness Fact

2010-07-01T07:20:00.005-04:00

I just read this in Mental Floss magazine and thought I'd share:

"A 2008 study published in the British Medical Journal revealed that happiness within your social network - your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors - has an effect on your own contentment. For example, if the person living next door to you suddenly becomes happy, then the probability that you will be happy increases by 34 percent."

The article went on to say that by adding one happy friend to your life, you increase your chances of happiness by 9 percent but by befriending a sad person you decrease your chances for happiness by 7 percent.

Hmmmm.

Hijacking The Blog

2010-06-29T21:28:00.011-04:00

It's been quite a while since I've been blogging. This blog actually started out as a motivator to keep me writing (and being accountable to) the book I started a while back. Now my little book project is complete. I finished a novel - start to finish, top to bottom, soup to nuts, THE END. My baby is done. And actually has been for a while.

But, so much has happened since then - family, kids, graduate school, friends, volunteering -- LIFE. And though my book is complete I wondered, would anyone really like to read this?

So, this week I pulled it out and read it over with a fresh eye. It's a fun book -a beach read. It's sexy and summery and light - candy for the brain. Some of my male friends asked to read it, bless them, and I'd laugh to myself appreciative of the support but knowing it probably wasn't really their kinda read.

While this book was my first attempt at writing a novel, I'm not sure it's the book I'd put out there today. I've changed, times have changed (in the two years since I started it) and things in the book will need to change. So, I'm going to keep reading through it and make a decision. In the meantime, I might start another while I'm off this summer from graduate school.

So for now, I'm hijacking this blog. It's no longer going to be about "the book" - that's an old topic. I think for now it's just going to be random. Cora's random blog of random stuff. Why not? Eventually it might morph into something different or perhaps even useful, but as of now it is what it is. If I'm not writing a novel, and not writing graduate papers, I might as well be writing something.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T15:14:00.002-05:00

This is a really nice version of this song. Happy New Year. May all your dreams come true in 2010.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acxnmaVTlZA&feature=related

JUST A LITTLE THOUGHT......

2009-11-17T21:46:00.006-05:00

I have been neglecting my blog. I find myself getting really excited about things other than writing these days. That worries me. At least it did. See, I don't like to be boxed in. There is too much going on out there that is always grabbing my attention. Some would call it ADD or career ADD, but I've never been diagnosed, so I'm not taking it there.

Regardless, there are people born knowing exactly what it is they are meant to do, like my Uncle's sister. She knew from an early age that she wanted to be a librarian. Yes, a librarian! She never wavered. She's in her late fifties and doing whatever it is a librarian would do in this day and age. And loving it. I'm so envious of her focus and vision, her follow through, her passion. It's amazing.

But, as I continue to explore and narrow things down a dear friend reminded me that one doesn't have to have one goal, one profession, one focus. Some of us are meant for more than one thing. I get that. And so long as there's enthusiasm for it all then I find such a concept quite liberating.

So, I'll share a good quote on all of this that I came across today:

The key that unlocks energy is desire. It is also the key to a long and interesting life. If we expect to create any drive, any real force within ourselves, we have to get excited. - Earl Nightingale

ROUND TWO

2009-09-15T11:20:00.002-04:00

It's almost here, less than six months away and I'm somewhat terrified. Never has a birthday loomed so ominously. Twenty-five was a bit rough though I can't exactly recall why - something to do with getting old. I suppose, back then, twenty-five was old to me. Then thirty came around...I was so pregnant I couldn't even think straight and gave birth four days later. The rest of my thirties was about planting roots, getting to know my community, new found friends and more babies. I didn't blink an eye at thirty-five. There was no time.

So what's my problem? Forty is HOT! The terms "Milf" and "Cougar" must have come from somewhere, right? But, let's get out of the shallow end of the pool for a minute. It's not just about looks - it's about confidence, spirit, wisdom and maturity. I stare over at an issue of More magazine sitting on my nightstand. Candace Bushnell, the Sex in the City author who happens to be married to a man eleven years her junior (good for her!), has a cougar complex and Robin Wright Penn is turning forty-three and feeling fierce and fearless. I can look inside and find the country where women look younger and learn all their beauty secrets (Japan, I peaked). Where did this magazine come from? I guess I picked it up somewhere along the way as I do almost fit the demographic.

I browse through the pages nonchalantly, like I don't care -like I'm really turning thirty and none of this applies to me. There a some decent stories, inspirational-always my favorite kind. Two women started clothing and stationary businesses close to forty and are now millionaires. Robin is "wright" where she wants to be and Candace is vehemently defending her right to be with the love of her life, no matter his age. Screw the double standard.

I think about two women in Florida I heard of, one a sixty something barefoot waterskier, the other an eighty something slalom champion who still practices three hours a day. I think about my amazing Aunt Jessie, who as a widow found the second love of her life in her early eighties. Now, there are certain places I don't want to go, but she did tell me she felt like a teenage school girl when she spent time with her "Marsh" (a.k.a Marshall). I look at my Mom who takes such good care of herself that people often mistake her for my kids' mother, instead of their Grandmother. She's not too quick to correct them either. When the wheels start turning I suppose I could go on and on and pick a plethora of inspiring women from the forties, fifties and sixties set and beyond. Adventurers, entrepreneurs, philanthropists, mothers, advocates, artists, students, women I know, and some I've only read about or seen on TV. And of course, there are friends who will be taking the journey with me as they too navigate through the second part of their lives.

Parenting is and always will be my top priority. So far it's been an amazing, beautiful, sometimes difficult, surprising journey. It never fails to delight and challenge every part of my being. But my kids are getting a tad older now and I'm getting that itch, have had it for a while, and feel this need to break out of suburbia. My book is done. So I applied to a writing class at NYU (needed to submit five manuscript pages to apply) and was accepted. I'm going to go for it. Can't wait to be in Manhattan once a week, meet new people, gather some inspiration and get some feedback on this book.

When I was in college, I was fortunate to have an opportunity to study abroad in Europe. I enjoyed the first part of the experience a lot but the best part really came half way through when I realized I'd be going home sooner than later. All my senses became alive and heightened as I realized I didn't want to miss a darn thing that this great opportunity had to offer. I left feeling like I'd taken full advantage of that trip as passionately and as thoroughly as I possibly could have. Now, here I am on the cusp of the second part of this life. I hope to make it too a passionate, thoroughly lived trip drawing inspiration from all the amazing women who are more than half way through theirs.

Maybe forty is not so scary. I may not be able to eat whatever I want anymore but I haven't been able to do that for a while now. Besides, eating is overrated. No, I take that back. It's so not. And hopefully the big 4-0 is not either.

A BOOK, A PRAYER, SOME GRATITUDE AND HOPE

2009-06-16T05:30:00.006-04:00

Woe is me. My book is coming to a close. It's hard to let things go that are with you for a long time. Even when we are not paying attention to or neglecting those things, they still become a part of us. Sometimes we know the end must come but we stall because we are not ready to let go, not sure of how things should end and when to let them end before they become stale or overdone. And when you come to really care about something and put yourself out there for it by taking risks, making sacrifices and finding time for it, you want it to end correctly, gently and as it is meant to.

So now with a sense of sadness, relief, wonder, growth and accomplishment I am doing just that, letting go, wrapping this baby up and moving on. At one point, I wasn't sure I'd get here, but alas, I really have.

But what next? I have at least ten more books in me but I'd also like to again start contributing financially to our household, as was always my intention when the kiddos got a little bit bigger. And while writing is fulfilling and gratifying I'm not sure how long it will be before it actually turns a pay check. So, in the meantime, do I get job? Go back to school? Start a small business? As career ADD started messing with my mind a few nights ago well after midnight, I started to over think. Everything. And then I started to feel sorry for myself. For a minute. Because then a recent news story popped into my head, one I can't seem to shake.

It is the haunting story of Euna Lee and Laura Ling, the two U.S. journalists reporting for Current TV who were recently tried and sentenced in Pyonyang to twelve years hard labor in a North Korean prison camp. Apparently no appeal is possible as the women were tried by the Nations high court. Yesterday they said the women admitted to a smear campaign against the communist state. I shudder to think how they got that "admittance." The Obama administration will continue to work diligently to secure their release. In the meantime, they are stuck. In volatile North Korea. A defiant country that recently conducted nuclear testing with a bomb the Russians say was a large as Hiroshima. Then more missile tests leaving global powers in debate as how to deal with them. It's a delicate time for U.S. officials to be negotiating the return of two Americans with a country with which we have limited to no relations.

Euna Lee has a four year old daughter at home waiting for her, crying for her, asking her father when her mother will return. She may not see her mother again until she is sixteen. Facing torture, inadequate food supply, squalor, and twelve hour days of back breaking labor in the notoriously brutal North Korean prison system, these girls and their families will be in hell until we can get them home. If we can get them home.

My thoughts then drifted to the other prisoners serving out their sentences as I wondered how many of their crimes fit such grave and ghastly punishment. It was late at night and my mind couldn't settle. I became immediately thankful for the softness and comfort of our bed, the food downstairs in the fridge and my three children soundly sleeping in their rooms.

Woe is me? Not so much. What's next? I'll be working on that.

In the meantime I will pray for Euna Lee, Laura Ling, their families and their safe and timely return.

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER

2009-03-20T22:03:00.005-04:00

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” -Mark Twain

This quote has presented itself to me three times in the last week or so, randomly. It's too good not to share.

SO CLOSE

2009-03-08T15:04:00.008-04:00

People have been asking me as of late what is going on with the book. February was not a great writing month...three family birthdays, Valentine's Day (busy for all Mothers with small school age children), winter break and heart surgery for my Dad did not make for a very productive month. I thought I'd found a glorious hour in the middle of the day last week. Fifteen minutes later I was having a feasty snack of barbecue potato chips and ice pops in my daughter's fort - a snow covered mass of bushes with a cozy little opening underneath. Just as I sat down with my tea and laptop and had her set up for after school quiet time she reminded me of my our promised fort time. So there I sat, not willing to forego promises for writing.

So now that it's March, I've started getting up early again. The only thing missing from my book is an ending - then lots of revisions and editing. OMG! I've since had a million ideas for other books, both fiction and non-fiction. One won't leave my brain. I'm getting impatient with this book now. I need it done. My personal deadline is two months away. I'm getting there. And it's time to move on.

I'm getting impatient with this blog too...so many things going on out there - would rather be writing about them than myself and my book at this point. And after almost a year I'm glad to be realizing these things. It's been a process, a journey as anything worth its salt should be.

AND THE EARTH MOVED

2009-02-03T22:30:00.001-05:00

We are having a real winter - plenty of snow, cold, ice and freezing rain to make it feel like this season should be well on its way out - and I happen to love the snow. But ask any Mom - especially those of youngsters - and they will surely confide to feeling cooped up, frustrated and germophobed after stomach bugs, strep throat, flues, fevers and ear infections invade their homes, this despite countless applications of anti-bacterial gels to a fault - think dried out hands and something to the theory that overusing that stuff makes the bugs that much stronger. As one friend puts it "she is going out of her freakin mind." Yet after we all complain, we are quick to remind ourselves that things could be worse as we count our blessings and clutch at as many good vibes as we can muster. But yeah, the doldrums are upon us.

So, when something exciting happens, it feels especially thrilling right about now. Last night after putting my oldest, my son, to bed I finally settled into my own bed with a book. Just as I let out that sigh that comes after the day is done and everyone is settled, I heard a big loud noise come from somewhere. For goodness sake (or maybe something not so girl scoutish) I thought in frustration....what is he doing now??? But it wasn't him and my husband was already asleep. I was too tired to go downstairs and check. So I let it go. Well, this morning I learned I'd just experienced my first earthquake. Ironically, the book I was reading with my son was all about natural disasters and we'd spent the last five minutes of our time together talking about....you guessed it......earthquakes! Wow. I wasn't sure what was more exciting, the earthquake or the coincidence.

We don't live on fault line here, so it was just a natural shift of the earth at a mild 3.0 on the Richter scale. I wrote a good scene early this morning. Exciting. I experienced my first earthquake. Exciting. Don't laugh at me. It's February, early February and I can use all the excitement I can get.

WHERE THIS IS GOING

2009-01-27T20:21:00.008-05:00

Somebody once said, if you're not sure what to do just do something anyway. If it's not the right thing, it will more than likely lead you to the right thing. Being complacent will get you nowhere.

Flashback to senior year of high school. My jock boyfriend was captaining something and I needed an after school Spring sport. I was always a fast runner so I decided to join track (much to the snickering of some of my friends as it wasn't exactly the coolest sport). But I didn't care. I figured I'd be a sprinter, get myself in shape for college in the fall (at 18 and under 115 lbs. did I really think I needed to get in shape?!) and have some fun. I did alright during practice runs and was ready for my first big race. I was all decked out in my track outfit, had my sneakers tied up tight, did all my stretching and watched as the girls from Newark, our opposing team, entered our field. They looked very serious and very athletic and barely acknowledged us. They are just trying to use intimidation I thought to myself - not an uncommon practice, right? But a slight sinking feeling entered my belly as my instincts told me we were in trouble. Needless to say, all those fifty yard dash scores I was so proud of (beating boys and all) didn't mean a darn thing. I got my butt kicked that day. And I got it kicked again and again and again. My boyfriend told me he was going to skip out of baseball practice early to watch me at my next meet. I was mortified as I hadn't yet confided that I was not the track star I was meant to be.

Finally, after learning the hard way that you simply cannot sprint your butt off at the beginning of a 400 meter race - which I did flying ahead of everyone convinced I was finally going to win something only to hit the "wall" in which you can barely jog as everyone just passes you by like you're an annoying mosquito in the way -my coach sat me down and told me short distance running was not my thing (gulp, can you say humble pie?). Why don't you try the mile he suggested. A mile of running fast to win? If I couldn't compete on the short distances how could I ever possibly win a race that long? He told me to trust him and that I had it in me, it's a different kind of running.

Fine. I figured it couldn't get any worse than what was already happening. We only had two meets left and during the first one I actually placed. I beat some of the seasoned milers on my own team and I wasn't jelly legged and bone tired when it was over. Coach was right and I got to end the season on a high note. I even let my boyfriend watch me. I finally felt truly competitive again.

Writing this book has been somewhat similar. Sometimes I feel like I'm pushing it ahead and getting nowhere, other times the slow steady pace feels just right as the story ebbs and flows at just the right tempo. And plenty of times I feel like it is leading somewhere else, into territory I hadn't really considered, hadn't really fathomed. One thing is for certain though -- I'm not sprinting (or steadily running) in any direction until this sucker is done.

DREAM ON

2009-01-19T22:01:00.000-05:00

So what about dreams during times like these? When I started writing my book one of my intentions was, I'm not going to lie, big bucks. I had ski houses, beach houses, exotic trips and financial freedom on the brain. That was then.

Now, when I think about where this journey started and where it is ending it's a whole different story. Writing this book has become less about money, success and notoriety and more about fulfilling something internal, the stamina to finish something (something big) and owning something other than an impressive or fun possession. Is it going to be a big money maker? Doubtful (but maybe the next?). Seriously though, just tapping into something and creating a book with characters full of emotions, experiences, dreams and disappointments has been an exhilarating process...so new for me and so much fun. And, I've been lucky enough to find the time to do it - even when it hasn't been easy.

Meanwhile, more hard times continue to surround us here in the New York metro area...dreams, hobbies and quests for finding life's passion are being replaced by one big reality check...like being laid off or taking a mega pay cut while trying to make ends meet in one of the country's most expensive and highest taxed states -- a reality for many of our friends. The severity of the situation runs the gamut from friends literally selling their gold to buy their kids' Christmas presents to others who are rethinking private schools and cleaning ladies. And no matter what end of the economic stratosphere people are coming from, it's hard and it's an adjustment. Even Brett Favre, who resided nearby during the Jet's football season, reportedly said of this area that it's too damn expensive. Um, are you kidding me? Isn't he a millionaire?

Now, jobs are harder to replace, housing values remain questionable and the stock market nose dive nightmare has yet to abate. People are tightening their belts and getting back to basics. For one artist friend this means her mad midnight painting and dreams of a psychology masters are on hold. She instead is managing a local store while her recently laid off husband seeks work. And for an artist (nothing against artists) she remains pragmatic saying "these times are the greatest gift to all of us." Somewhat hard to swallow but not necessarily untrue. She no longer has too much free time on her hands "to over think." And though her world is filled with uncertainty right now, you can't help but notice a glimmer of focus, purpose and contentment that seems to shine through when she talks about it all.

Other dreams I've heard like opening a small wine shop in a beach town, or writing the next truly great American novel, getting into politics or simply just going out to lunch when the all the kids are finally in school (instead of finding part time work) are all also on hold for a little bit longer.

Yet, even within all this reality and back to basics mentality, I believe there is still plenty of room for dreams - for ourselves and for our children. Our dreams are who we are and evolve as we do. Martin Luther King started out with a dream and now, on the eve of this historic inauguration, look where we are. You have a big job Mr. Obama.

HELLO NEW YEAR

2009-01-01T21:24:00.002-05:00

This blog is not exactly setting the world on fire. But, it does serve a personal cathartic purpose and so it lives. Most of the comments I get come through Facebook (since I post there too) and I'm often surprised by the feedback I get as there are so many really supportive people out there. Some are friends who don't care what I'm writing or why I'm writing or if my writing sucks or is out of this world...they are just there to give a supportive nod and say "good for you for going for it." Some are people from the past who are connected, have offered a helping hand or are willing to serve up some good, solid and experienced constructive criticism (I love you and thank you!). Some are friends or acquaintances who have told me they've checked out my blog and feel inspired to do something they've always wanted to do themselves (wow, really?! - that alone makes any of this worth it, even if I fail miserably).

Then there are the people who don't just encourage but inspire -- the characters of the world -- friends, family, strangers, neighbors, acquaintances or the random conversation at the doctor's office waiting room, a restaurant, supermarket line, airport terminal or school pick up. One of my main characters is based on a hotel employee I met down in Florida. His story and stories are fascinating and have provided so much inspiration. Thank you Nick - you get the first copy.

Now it's January 1. December was a bust. As hard as I tried not to let it be, it was. And it's alright. I was a little ahead of schedule anyway so it's all good. And I love a fresh start, a fresh year full of resolve and hope. This year the resolutions I'm hearing from people are more meaningful -- appreciation for what they have, quality time with friends and family, going green or being better at going green, taking responsibility for their financial health and learning to live with less are not just practical this year but for many, necessary. And yes, I'm quite sure the last ten pounds (or twenty? thirty?) are still on everyone's list.

Hello 2009 -- I hope it's happy, healthy, prosperous and meaningful for all.

THE BEST LAID PLANS

2008-12-22T20:07:00.012-05:00

Every year when you're buying last minute presents and stressing out over the holidays, do you tell yourself next year will be different? Think maybe you'll start before Thanksgiving and get a leg up on holiday shopping, baking, cooking, wrapping and tormenting small children and animals for a decent holiday card picture? Sure you will. Just like me.

This year was no different. I didn't do a thing before Thanksgiving yet I've kept the madness to a minimum crossing tasks off the enormous list at a semi decent rate. As of this morning, I only had about three thousand and one things left....manageable. But, all could be done if I stuck with the tight schedule I'd created.

So, I was feeling pretty good about taking some time for a pre-holiday dinner (already on the calendar) with some relatives who won't be here for Christmas day. But, first I had to drop my car off for a little tune up...it's pathetically late and I was worried for our safety during the forty-five minute drive, really. My husband and kids followed me to the dealership where I was already inside giving the service technician a detailed list of what needed to be done. Suddenly, a man came bursting into the room yelling stuff I could vaguely understand. I heard "NO dinner", "puking", "sick kids", "need you". I calmly turned around to a blur rushing back out the doors and came to the conclusion that it was my husband.

I finished up (way too slowly apparently) and went outside to see what the hell was going on. I came upon a scene that appeared to be Edward Scissorhands (that would be my husband) ripping car seats, clothes and children from our car so efficiently and purely in the moment it was almost admirable. My two girls had projectile vomited in their car seats and my son was scrunched so deeply in his corner of the car that I could barely find him to see if he'd puked too. He had a look of utter disgust and horror on his face as he glared at some barf not six inches away from him holding his nose and looking ready to blow.

I felt awful for them as I looked at the girls' small little faces so pale and confused and miserable because really, barfing just suuuucks. My husband then noticed me surveying the scene and asked, "Are you going to help me out here or what?"

"Of course." I replied as I quickly processed the situation thinking about the new things on my "to do" list -- the bathing, laundering and soothing of sick kids. I had to cancel tonight's dinner plans and cancel a play date for tomorrow (that I've already canceled way too many times). There would be no last minute presents for hubby, no holiday manicure, no baking that extra batch of toffee I really wanted to squeeze in and no homemade desserts for Christmas (no biggie there...I mostly suck at baking but the thought is nice). And that's only the half of it. But of course, taking care of sick kids (and the rest of us if we get it) trumps it all.

So what about the book? What book? It's pathetic. I didn't want to take a December sabbatical from it but it looks like it's happening anyway. If anyone has secrets on how to keep projects (that have nothing to do with friends and family) on task in December I really would like to know them. Maybe I will start getting ready for the holidays before Thanksgiving next year (uh huh).

GETTING NAKED

2008-12-14T21:52:00.008-05:00

If you're going to do it, you have to get naked. So I did. I got naked for Nathan. Well, not so much him, but his contest (see previoius post). I submitted a paragraph to be reviewed and judged and basically that anyone could see. Anyone who reads his blog that is. And it felt like being naked. I haven't shared much of my book with anyone yet - it was a little scary but also exciting.

There were five finalists. I was not one of them. But there were also over a thousand entries. So I didn't win and I'm fine with it. But while I went through my book trying to figure out what to submit, I realized that I was still good on my book. As I critiqued my work I also realized how much better it could be and should be and will be.

I'll get naked again once I get my book in better shape and maybe with more than a paragraph. Thanks Nathan for getting me started and for the challenge.

A LITTLE COMPETITION

2008-12-08T21:57:00.004-05:00

I follow this guy's blog. His name is Nathan Bransford and he's a San Francisco based literary agent with New York's Curtis Brown Ltd. literary agency. He's this cute surfer dude looking guy with a heck of a lot insight for new and existing writers. The first time I read his blog I learned to be careful using the word "shattered" to describe my character's life or situation in any query. I think he was right. It sounds somewhat cliche and is, I'm sure, overused. And, I happened to be was using it constantly to describe my main character's life at the pinnacle of her drama. Since then I like to pay attention to what he has to say and have become a fan.

Anyway, he's offering up a light for-fun contest in which his readers can submit a paragraph from any work-in-progress. The grand prize is the winner's choice of a partial critique, query critique or 15 minute phone conversation with him. If anyone's interested, check it out at http://www.nathanbransford.blogspot.com/. I'm definitely interested and will be posting something for him (and anyone else who wants to see) by the contest's deadline, Thursday 4pm Pacific time.

I'm loving this contest. I'm at the 200 page mark with this book. I went to page one and started scrolling. I thought it might be hard to find something to pick. But I found several paragraphs that I felt pretty confident about posting. Made me realize -- I really like my book and my characters need closure.

Recently a few people have asked me how it's going. My answer involved excuses..."good, but I need to find more time, ya know.... Christmas, three kids, flu season, travelling husband." This time of year is super crazy. Anyone knows that. Any mother of children knows it ten times over. Now it involves Christmas, three kids, flu season, travelling husband and a book - that will not be neglected.

ABUNDANTLY THANKFUL

2008-11-26T21:00:00.004-05:00

It is the eve of Thanksgiving and the table is set, the groceries are got, and the booze is in its place. I've done a fair amount of outsourcing -- this means relatives and friends have been assigned side dishes and desserts (bless their hearts) leaving me with the turkey, stuffing and appetizers. The kids are squared away and I'm feeling pretty chill right about now in anticipation of a smooth, happy day tomorrow. A little hint-when you can, it is always good to mix friends with the relatives during holidays as it tends to keep everyone's behavior in check. So, I'm following my own advice and hoping for the best.

In a bit, I'm going to finish my book. Not the one I'm writing, the one I'm reading. I started it last night and I'm halfway through. It's called The Road, by Cormac McCarthy and it is intense. My husband, who has great taste in books, read it on a plane last week and talked about it for two days. When I said I would read it he hesitated. "I don't know, it's pretty harsh, you might not like it." he said. But I haven't read a book in almost a month (a long time for me) and reading is imperative to writing and the whole entire creative process. Plus, lately, none of the unread books on my bookshelf seem all that appealing and I've been super busy. So, this book meets my current requirements - someone whose taste I trust liked it and the word count is not too high.

If you're not familiar with the book, it's a postapocolyptic story about a man and his son, surviving after the earth's been charred by nuclear bombs. It was hard for me to put down last night - its short profound paragraphs, struggling characters and engrossing subject matter had me hooked. This man and his boy are working so hard to survive while they starve, freeze and suffer in a world hopefully none of us will ever know. And as disturbing or harsh as it may be, it made me look around today at the sheer abundance around all of us. Abundance in so many forms. I actually stood in front of the Thanksgiving section of Walgreens drug store staring at the cans of pumpkin and cranberry and green beans thinking of this book and what that food would mean to the main characters. And, while this book is bumming me out a little, its also got such an important message to give back -as a better than good book should. At the risk of sounding preachy - if you ever feel ungrateful or even depressed, pick it up - it will depress you even more and make you blissful for what you have at the same time. It's a sad book yet it's full of love and (now at the risk of sounding corny) a good book to read before Thanksgiving given the fact that our first settlers suffered similarly as they struggled to get a foothold in the new world.

The meaning of Thanksgiving has been intensified for me this year. I have Mr. McCarthy to thank for that.

THE LACK OF A NANNY DIARY

2008-11-16T21:12:00.004-05:00

Today my parents, my kids and I caravaned down to the Jersey Shore to see my sister, Jen and brother-in-law, Billy's new pad. My husband got to have a day of football (yes! Giants) with friends since I'd had a night out last night with my best bud. We ventured into New York City to see a ski movie, "Under the Influence" produced by Teton Gravity Research. It was rad dude, but I gotta say my dreams of being a ski bum have passed and honestly that is cool with me but I'll never outgrow those movies. They are "Epic" man.

So, after having a look around their neat, quiet, organized (I'm insanely envious) new place, a venture to the beach to collect seashells (despite the high winds and forty degree weather) and a little time deflecting the kids from torturing their three cats, we followed the itinerary and went out for a late lunch. I suggested making due with Progresso Soup and Kraft Mac-n-Cheese or ordering Pizza but that didn't fly too well. So, off we went to a restaurant that served our needs with a water view (Dad) and a bar with a TV (Billy/Giants). The service was slow and surly and the long wait made my kids restless. My baby started banging the table like a drum with her spoon, my son kept popping up from the table to look for the trapped dolphins in the bay, and my middle daughter was pilfering star mints under the guise of looking at the "horsey picture" by the front door. A few well deserved Chardonnays later, my sister, who is doing hospice nursing while she gets her acupuncture practice established, surveyed the scene and kiddingly asked, "So, where's the nanny?" to which my mother replied, as she looked at me, "She doesn't need a nanny. You weren't raised that way!" And I can honestly say, she wasn't saying it against anyone who has a nanny so much as she was saying it trying to make me feel better as I plucked freezing cold ice cubes from my lap thanks to Olivia's unnoticed venture into a water glass.

Oh, I had comments to make, but I kept my mouth shut and quickly reflected....I'd probably be super productive with a nanny. Or not. Too much time is not necessarily a good thing....I'd probably start a bunch of other projects and then my kids would suffer and my book would suffer. But, who knows what would happen. And, really is doesn't matter -- it's just not in the cards right now. I squeeze in time when I can, and it's working, I think. Truthfully, I'd rather have a daily housekeeper than a nanny anyway. Maybe someday. But, not now.

Oh btw-there is NOTHING like a night in Manhattan to help shake that writer's block I was talking about. I'm looking forward to a productive week.

A LITTLE BLIP

2008-11-14T23:05:00.001-05:00

I'm having official writer's block. UGH! And no, it's not procrastination my evil nemesis....it indeed appears to be a very true and very real case of good old fashioned writer's block. Despite my outline, I'm not sure which direction I want my characters to take right now and I've been working on the same scene for over a week which means it is boring me. This can't be good and probably means it will bore anybody who reads it. So, I figured I'd blog instead....maybe write about women's issues...fluffy stuff like what your mid-life crisis fantasy man says about your personality or the fact that mean girls and queen bees still actually do exist or maybe even something more intelligent like what the new President elect's tax philosophy means for your pocketbook, be it a Target bargain buy or authentic Louis Vuitton. Or, (back to a lighter note) I could reveal all the juicy details I got from a psychic the other night (unfortunately, they weren't really all that juicy). But, that really doesn't have a whole lot to do with my book so it really shouldn't have any place in this blog.

I'm not digging writer's block at all! But, I suppose it's relatively inevitable. Michael Crichton, bless his incredibly talented soul, passed away last week. When I think of him I think not only of Jurassic Park but also of Sphere and Congo, two personal favorites. I also remember once reading that when he sat down to write a book he thought it was terrible pretty much all the way through. Whenever I'm consumed with self doubt I remember this and it helps keep me going. And no, I don't think I'm going to be the next Micheal Crichton (please!) but keep in mind, he did get somewhere despite his own insecurities and personal blocks.

I'm pretty sure I'll get through the writer's block, i just hope it doesn't last too long. That really would not be good.

THE DANGER ZONE

2008-11-06T02:18:00.000-05:00

I'm at third base. I like third base, it's a good place to be. But, questions do arise. Can I bring it home? Should I bring it home? Is it the right time to bring it home? Of course potentially bringing it home is exciting and exhilarating but making the right call is really important right about now. Should I have stayed at second, not been so impulsive? And if I bring it and it's not the right time, there is this little thing called a reputation to think about. Now, I bet you've guessed that I'm not talking about baseball here am I? But, I'm not talking about sex either you little dirty bird. I'm talking about my book! That's what this blog is about.

I'm a little over three quarters done with "the book". This is very very dangerous territory. Does that sound strange? I should be happy to have come this far, right? But it's not far enough now, is it? And since I'm here, I'm guessing I'm not the only writer to have had this creepy, don't be so proud of your type B personality, feeling. Three quarters of the way might be good enough when it comes to the backyard garden or the week's errands or the unfinished photo albums but it's just not going to cut it when it comes to my novel. It's part of why I started blogging, to make it more real, more OUT there, more likely that I'd not make my book a three quarter kinda project.

I gave myself a year to write this book. I think it was too long. I work better under pressure, last minute deadlines and intense (well, not too intense-no need to be dramatic) stress. And even though once the book is done I still have the revision and editing process ahead - which is included in the twenty-five percent I have left to do- I'm way closer to this goal than I imagined and practically giddy to have come this far. But, instead of wrapping it up, I stall goofing around on Facebook, posting pictures and playing around with (but not always posting) blog entries. True signs of that vile thing called procrastination, the downfall of type Bs. Oh, how I envy you type As with your perfectionism, unparallelled work ethic and that ever present drive to succeed. Trust me, take it as a compliment. I'm too Irish (just kidding Mom, kinda) to worry much about it and there is no room in my household for two A types. But, I'm trying to up that ante, find a place somewhere in between the two "types". I'm sure it's a block I need to work through, I think I know the one. Maybe I'll address it in the next blog....just not too soon. I have work to do - tomorrow.

ON YACHTS, GOAT BLOOD AND DREAMS

2008-10-27T14:04:00.000-04:00

As a young teenager I had this vision of one day celebrating the new Millennium in dramatic style. I'd be on my fabulous yacht in the Caribbean wearing a fashionable black dress and a pair of heels with some big shiny gold earrings. A long sleek blond ponytail would hang down my back held in place by a bejeweled ponytail holder and friends, family and celebrities would surround me drinking champagne and sharing in the fun. Apparently in this vision I was wildly successful and had at some point "arrived." I didn't have a clue where this success would come from or what I'd be doing to actually afford my beautiful boat and designer dress, but oh such things were a nuisance to think about and had zero room in my fantasy.

Now for the real picture....imagine a heavily pregnant and cranky woman in sweatpants feeling puffed up like a swollen tic sitting on the couch eating Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice cream. Barely able to keep my eyes open to see the infamous crystal ball drop for the last time of the century, I suddenly remembered my teenage fantasy. I shared this with my husband and we had a good chuckle -- somewhere along the way I'd obviously taken an abrupt U-turn.

Then I thought about the man in my fantasy -- a tall tuxed out Ken doll type with not much of a personality and not one hair out of place. He was more like man candy than a husband, but he fit right in on my boat. My real husband is not an uptight Ken doll type AT ALL. But, he's been around and I liked that. He even drank blood from the neck of goat while in Africa once during a Masai ritual. When we were dating and I first heard this story I was completely repulsed and told him so using words like "vile" and "disgusting " and "oh my god". But after letting the idea settle in a bit I thought wow, what a rebel! -- that is kind of hot! I mean, who else could say their boyfriend drank blood from a goat?

Crankiness aside - due to the swelling of my ankles, the only skinny thing left on my body-I was downright happy and ok with chillin on the couch for New Year's Eve 1999. Nowadays my idea of success doesn't involve jewels and celebrities and yachts. It involves my family, my kids, friends and experiences more in line with an African adventure (minus the goat blood) and hopefully an ability to really help people with both time AND money. And of course, finally finding the work I'm meant to do and juggling it sensibly (if that's even possible) with motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to spending time on a fancy yacht in the Caribbean in a black dress, in heels with the long sleek ponytail (think extensions). It's just going to require an invitation because it's not going to be MY yacht.

So I will keep on keepin on, still banging away on my keyboard. Still dreaming.

GOING FOR IT

2008-10-25T21:42:00.000-04:00

Since I've started this blog a few people have asked me specifics about my book and, more specifically, if I have specific ideas for a next book. The answer is a definitive yes. I cannot believe I have come this far -- slow and steady but consistent never-the-less (Lord, I wish I had a nanny sometimes). I've always had story ideas in my head and truly have found a unique fulfillment in finally getting something on paper. Um, I mean the hard drive though sometimes it actually IS paper. Anyway, everybody we meet, every place we go and every new experience we have can be a creativity trigger. Life and the people in it are fascinating, even more so when you add imagination. For now, I'm writing a light fun novel....something I hope a friend might pick up or -- even better - recommend to another friend for the beach, a vacation or some light reading before bed. It's been a good place to start though I do see myself expanding the horizons next time around. And yes, I anticipate a next time around. Not only do I want to, but it's a practical way of thinking. This IS my first attempt here so I'm being as realistic as possible.

Something interesting -- many people I've spoken to about "This Big Task" (see first post) over the last few months have expressed their own desire to write a book. Some have a scratch pad of ideas and some have started something only to put it down again (been there). Some things are fiction, some non-fiction and a few are something in between. Being so new at this, I don't have a whole lot of advice to give just yet, except - go for it!. I mean, why the heck not? I personally look at it as an investment. I could be going back to school for the next two years or starting a business or re-entering the workplace only to have to re-establish myself again but I've chosen to write realizing by now that nothing happens over night. Every new endeavor is going to take a considerable amount of commitment and perseverance to get even close to success.

What I can offer for now is a book -- The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. It is wise and soulful, down to earth and practical and was recommended to me by several people whose opinion I highly respect. It's a map, a motivator and a reality check disguised in a book and it confronts so many of the "blocks" that I think many of us face in our work and in our lives for that matter. I definitely have more to say on these blocks but I'll get there within the next few posts. For now, I'm signing off...there's a glass of wine waiting for me and it's time to make dinner. And, my cat Jackson, the oddest creature on the planet, is licking the corner of my computer screen. He's more than a tad strange.

SUNNY SIDE UP

2008-10-21T13:56:00.000-04:00

I'm a foodie. Anyone who really knows me knows this about me and yes, I've even considered culinary school. Instead, food plays an important role in my book -- I like talking about food, thinking about food, appreciating food (and our access to good food) and of course eating food or even better --sharing a good meal with people I care about. So, today I had lunch with my parents in my old home town at the infamous Ritz diner. I have yet to find a diner like it around here or a pizza joint or even (especially) a deli that compares to what I had growing up -- I know, I know, violins here, but it's kinda true. However, Mo-town is my town now and we have some of our own little gems like The Creamery, a family owned ice cream parlor that puts Ben and Jerry's to shame (and I think out of business around here). They also do lunch with fresh salads, sandwiches and mind blowing soups -- the recipes are literally handed down from the old country (Italy that is) and shared with people in the know thanks to its talented owners.

But, back to Ritz...today's star wasn't the food, it was the waitress. She was a gem -- friendly, sweet, happy - the kind of happy you can feel, not just see or perceive through a forced smile. I like those people and I take notice of them when I find them. If you pay attention, they are everywhere and they are from all walks of life and whatever it is that makes them like that, I am appreciative. Some are established and wealthy, some are the average Joe (plumbers included), and some are elderly waitresses in their sixties still trying to make ends meet. So, two early morning pages, a great sesame chicken chopped salad, lunch with the folks (Dad on the mend) and a happy waitress good karma vibe later, I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy. In a little bit, the witching hour madness begins....hope it gets me through.

CHAMPAGNE AND HORSES

2008-10-19T21:18:00.000-04:00

Saturday was the annual Breeder's Cup Horse Race in Far Hills, New Jersey -- a.k.a. - "THE HUNT". A smashing good tailgating time, daaahling, where a massive group of metropolitan area revelers gather to drink (everything from champagne to keg beer) and eat (everything from caviar to hot dogs), people watch and bet on some horses. Trust me, it's a good time whether you're into horse racing or not (I have yet to place to a bet). We are lucky enough to have some good and ridiculously fun friends with "spots" and this year, once again, we were THERE. My parents took our kids overnight - for a full twenty-four hours!- giving us the opportunity to enjoy an unencumbered day at the races.

As I looked around doing my own people watching I noted, of course, what people were wearing -- a plethora of wellies, aviator Ray-Bans, skinny jeans, high leather boots, pearls and chords dotted with small creatures were everywhere- the usual, the classics. Sure these things change from year to year but most changes are simplistic like the style of the Ray-Bans, the cut of the jeans, the height of the boots, or perhaps blazers might outnumber J.Crew vests - but you get the point. My own outfit I had zero time to think about and threw something together just before leaving. Maybe I should have thought about it some more because I definitely could have done better. But, as I stood among friends drinking some bubbly and soaking up the day's fantastic sun I couldn't bring myself to care and made a mental note to care next year instead.

Now here is the funny part -- I almost decided to play hooky from playing hooky. I had a great writing session early Friday morning and, well, knowing my parents would have the kids for an overnight I was tempted to possibly stay home -- and write!/work! All that time, OMG! - what I could accomplish kept flashing through my head as I envisioned cups of tea (maybe a glass of wine later), glorious quiet and my laptop. I can't remember any job that I ever liked enough to forgo play time for work time. Though I ultimately opted to go out and play - and I'm glad I did - I was amazed to have had that feeling, really amazed and quite frankly grateful. But, I'm also grateful to Brian and Debra B. who ALWAYS do things right. Thanks again guys for another great day. We ALL needed it.

A LITTLE ZEN

2008-10-14T21:26:00.000-04:00

I went to bed last night thinking positive attractive thoughts to attract positive attractive things into my life today. I was not going to have another blah day full of blah news and too much stress. I was going to be productive and enjoy my kiddos, this gorgeous weather and be happy-- DAMMIT. Well, I overslept and my kids did not want to get up. Then my babysitter cancelled and suddenly my zen day was turning into a mad rush from hell. So much for good intentions -- the plan was to hunker down at my favorite little Mexican joint (it happens to open at 10:30 AM) with my favorite not so little burrito, a diet coke and my laptop and write for two or so hours. The rest of the day I was going to be happy and relaxed having caught up on some writing and spend as much time outdoors with the kids as possible after school. I'll spare the details but let me tell you, the day was nothing at all like that.

But, I'm not going to bitch and whine here...I'm getting tired of that as stated previously in the lemon post. What I have to do instead is talk about something positive. So, I'm giving a little nod to my companion for the day, Olivia - my youngest, my 19 month old "baby" -- the Zen in my Tuesday who continues to be happy, relaxed, funny, go with the flow, and pretty damn cool (yes, my other two are awesome as well but she was with me all day). I want to be like her. Sometimes I am like her. She did come from somewhere.

LEMONS OR WINE

2008-10-12T11:31:00.000-04:00

The lemons keep coming faster than I can make the darn lemonade. I'm a natural optimist (at least I'm telling myself I am these days) and supposed to keep seeing the glass half full even when I can't get anything into the glass. But, it's getting harder. I'm sitting here looking around my house and as usual the laundry is piling up and there are legos everywhere. My husband has the kids out hiking with some friends and I should be taking this time to catch up around here and maybe get a few pages written. But, I am procrastinating. I want to take a long luxurious nap (oh, the sheer decadence). I am bummed out for friends and family going through a rough time. I know things will get better for them but who knows when. And every day there seems to be some fresh drama brewing in somebody's household. The only thing I can say today is hang in there peeps. Lemonade is overrated --let's open a good bottle of wine.

LIFE HAPPENS

2008-10-05T15:50:00.001-04:00

This has been an interesting albeit crazy year. An unusual amount of happenings from the life altering to the life threatening trickled into our lives. Some were welcome sweet surprises like my daughter's first place win in the town library's bookmark contest. And, I met amazing people this year, the kind who make an impact, make you think, challenge you and make you better, stronger and more thoughtful. But, some surprises were not so welcome, like my Dad's heart attack. At first we handled it with the regular efficiency that seems to make up our daily lives....chest pain, hospital, stent, organized visits, talks with the doctor, phone calls, more visits, more talks and finally home. A little blip in the daily grind. But it was more than that. He could have DIED and I realized this one day when my auto pilot failed me after dropping the kids off at school. I broke down and cried, really hard, as the shock subsided and I realized how close we'd come to losing him and felt a more acute and empathetic pain for those friends who have recently lost their own loved ones. Could life have us so busy we don't even have time to feel? That scared me almost as bad as the heart attack.

And then this weekend the kids were sick-high maintenance sick, and today more bad news at the tragic passing of a dear friend's son. Really, when it rains it pours and right now I can think of no better words. So, how do I find the time or the heart to sit down and write, my book? My light fun beach read of a book. But, this is my work now as is the task of being there for friends and loved ones who need me. And, without life's challenges, blips, heartaches and joys there would be no book--light, funny, deep, or profound as there would be no heart and soul.

LA LA LAND

2008-09-29T22:45:00.000-04:00

My son and I are going skiing in Big Sky, Montana this February. I am beyond excited about this trip. I love to ski. And, I love cold clean air, quiet peaceful snow, dramatic beauty and mountains so large they make our East Coast terrain look like hills (though often beautiful hills). We're tagging along with good friends and heading West for a little mother/son adventure. I used pretty much all the frequent flier miles we have left to book our tickets and we're going real easy on the accommodations. And, my son gets to ski free since he is under ten. Overall, this trip is costing less than a drivable trip to Vermont. But it still, of course, costs money and money is an interesting topic these days.

Our country is in big financial mess. It's scary, intimidating, humbling and worrisome. There is no other way to express this "collapse" of Wall Street as a huge disaster that simply just sucks. And, being in a Manhattan suburb you can bet we are seeing its effects front wide and center. Everyone is effected be it those who can barely afford to buy their kid's school lunch to those they work for who can no longer afford their Botox. Suddenly it's not so hard to find a decent sale, restaurants are quieter and people are still freaked out by the price of gas. People's jobs are in jeopardy and some double income families have both parties working in the same industry-finance! or two other equally fragile industries. My hairdresser left our in-town salon to work somewhere closer to his home as commuting costs were just too high. Every service establishment I've visited as of late including restaurants, dry cleaners and coffee joints seem to have stepped up their customer service resembling the days when real decency and politeness were more the norm than the exception.

And, I'm a stay at home Mom right now-in New Jersey! I know I probably shouldn't be taking this trip to Montana. It's not practical. But, it's booked. And, who knows how much worse all of this is going to be before it gets better. Or, when we'll have this opportunity again. So, La La land here I come. Oh and hey, I heard the cost of living is way cheaper out there....and, well that peace and quiet probably makes it a great place for a writer....and jeez, I've heard the people are so nice. Ahhhhh, better just quit while I'm ahead here. My husband would just love the practicality of a move to Montana right now. Like I said, La La land.

GUILTY PLEASURES

2008-09-25T23:05:00.000-04:00

I heard two great things recently. Someone called Facebook “Crackbook” and an MSN article hyped “alone time” as the new heroine for women going through a “mid-wife” crisis. Not sure about the mid wife crisis thing, but I am all about alone time when and IF I can get it. I thought, “Bingo” and laughed my butt off. And ooooh that alone time really IS like heroine (I’m guessing here) - the craving, the need, the want and when there’s potential to get it, you want to hold onto it, fiercely with no intention or desire to share. Come on, you know what I’m talking about….you know you want it too.

But, then there is that crack problem. Heroine (alone time) and Facebook (crack) do not a productive writer make. But so far, I think I’m ok. I’ve really enjoyed (though not at first) my voyage into social networking. It’s been fun, entertaining and I’ve reconnected with some pretty cool ghosts (my husband’s term for old friends and acquaintances). I mean, really, I never imagined I’d have the privilege of knowing things like what the funniest guy from my sixth grade class had for lunch or that an old college friend’s kid threw up on his birthday cake or that an ex’s buddy is still the perpetual “nice guy” looking for love. This is good stuff! Yeah, yeah, I’m being a bit sarcastic here but hey, I’m still looking and haven’t exactly nixed the account. Heck, I’ve even added a few stimulating (still being sarcastic here) posts myself. But it’s all good-- in fun and in check thus far, I think. And, most people I know have been a little seduced by Facebook lured by its enticing offering of narcissism and voyeurism. So, when everyone is doing it, what the heck????

Oh, and about that book I’m writing….two thirds done, momentum still strong and I am doing a decent job avoiding some other guilty pleasures (none of your biz). Maybe we’ll discuss those another time. For now, I’m going to sign off and enjoy some "heroine".

SHOULD I OR SHOULDN'T I?

2008-09-17T14:45:00.000-04:00

So, I'm getting a little into this blog thing. It's been sort of nice -- cathartic, fun, even a bit relaxing. And the other day when I logged in I found out I had a follower. This was very exciting to me. Especially because my follower is nobody I know personally. She just saw my blog somewhere and liked it I suppose. But, it was even more exciting because I haven't really told too many people that I'm blogging. And, believe it or not, I haven't really given my blog address out to anyone or really thought too much about cool voyeurs checking it out.

So, then I wondered why I was being so shy. It is a blog, a public journal, after all. My own little platform for some repressed exhibitionism. So, do I start spreadin the word? Linking from Facebook? Shamelessly self promoting? Thus the question: Should I or Shouldn't I?

But, promoting this blog will bring some added pressure like: 1) thinking a bit harder about gramer (catch that?) and typos-just because I'm writing a book doesn't mean I'm exactly perfect in these areas. 2) consistency-who wants to read a blog that's rarely updated? 3) interest - does anyone really care? 4) bells and whistles - I may have to do some pimping here.
5) procrastination - yes, there have been times I've been more inclined to blog than work on my book which obviously defeats the purpose of all of this. I think number five is clearly the most dangerous.

I'm gonna sit on this one for a while. Self promotion can be a slow steady process anyway. And, chances are if you're reading this, I've decided I should. Lucky you. ;)

Oh, and comments, suggestions, and links for this blog are definitely appreciated.

I MISSED IT

2008-09-13T16:37:00.000-04:00

I did not get up to write today. I wanted to, badly. But my internal alarm must have been out of commission this morning and I missed my opportunity. For some reason it mistook 5:30 AM for 7:30 AM. Maybe I shoud be working on my book now. But, Sponge Bob is not great background noise and seriously I'm way better at it in the morning. Anyway, we'll be heading out again shortly for more Saturday activities. Not that it doesn't feel like we've had a full day already. After making a big pancake breakfast, settling the basement carpet installers, two soccer games, a trip to the pet store, and my middle daughter's fierce pre-lunch meltdown, I'm wiped.

It's hot here today. The soccer fields were abuzz with chatty Moms, bonding Dads and clingy younger sibs. Sweaty red faced kids in bright colored jerseys swarmed the fields. Parents' preened or pannicked depending on their child's athletic abilities (or meltdown abilities). For the most part, nothing atypical, and being a bit seasoned, I'm a tad more relaxed about the whole "Soccer Mom" thing. I could only feel empathy for the newbies, some looking as if universal well-being depended on whether or not their kid liked soccer. It doesn't.

So, I'm being beckoned and must run. My book will have to wait, but not too long. There is always tonight...

THE INSTANT GRATIFICATION OBSTACLE

2008-09-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

Instant gratification is a big part of life. At least it is for me. After all, I am a MOTHER constantly tending to the ever changing needs of three little kids.

“Wait, you need a snack. Oh, ok, here you go.” Small hungry children can actually be fiercely scary.

“You? You need a tissue? Be right back with that baby. No, no honey, mommy didn’t say ewww.” I’m pretty sure I probably did mumble something to that effect.

“Play date? Oh yes, let’s call Anna’s Mom.” JC, what am I going to do if they’re not home?

Thirsty? Wait, what? You want MORE Ovaltine? Why aren’t my kids on that commercial yet?

And then there are my needs, also usually gratified quickly and efficiently. If I’m hungry I just promptly grab some fruit (or a fistful of sticky fruit snacks) or maybe some cheese and crackers (or a handful of cheetos) or perhaps, I admit, an occasional leftover nugget from “Old McDonalds”. This, of course, is on the days we are NOT eating organic (phases and cycles here). And hey, Moms get thirsty too, especially on Friday nights. When there is no homework, no sports or activities, no play dates and dinner is take out from the ever talented, Mr. Chu, Mom likes to enjoy a good glass of wine. Or two. NOW. It is five o’ clock, right? RIGHT? Well, it is somewhere.

So, when I decided to delve back into my book and thought realistically about when it would be completed (an hour a day to write if I’m lucky), how long revisions would take and that it might take more than one try (OMG, I actually relish round two!) to actually get published, I was, shockingly, a bit dumbfounded. There is NO instant gratification in any of this. “My Lord woman, what are you thinking?” I asked myself. Now, this here would be a prime example of an obstacle in my head.

BUT, each day at six in the morning when the house is quiet and way too dark to see the dust in the corners and nobody is around making demands and I can bang out my morning page (or two or three) I’ve found some very serious gratification. I can think. I am not just reacting. I can work at my own pace; slowly, quickly, methodically or randomly. And, well, if it’s a one page kind of day, it’s still one page closer than I was the day before. So hey, this is not so bad, this slow steady journey. I’m actually kind of digging it. Now, where is my damn coffee?

THIS BIG TASK

2008-08-29T23:36:00.000-04:00

I’m in virgin territory. You know the kind….sweaty palms, random butterflies, excitement, hope, fear and exhilaration all jumbled up together. And of course you want to like your first time, be good at it and ultimately want to do it again. Isn’t that the point?

I am writing a book, my first novel. I’ve picked it up and put it down a few times over the past several years. The task seemed so overwhelming. And besides, there was always something else “to do” like look for a new house, buy the new house, move, have another baby, feed the cats, etc. Ahhh, but now we’re in the new house, the baby is eighteen months and really, it takes maybe forty seconds to feed the cats. So I picked it up again, all twenty pages of it. The next thing I did was start talking about it (hadn’t done that before) to some pretty dynamic, wise and encouraging people. And I listened to their wisdom, what they had to offer me. And wow, YES, this task is possible. A little bit here and a little bit there has turned into 135 pages of a little bit. I promised myself I’d “put it out there” when I reached 100 pages. As a writer acquaintance encouraged, this is when a book starts taking shape. She is right. This is my story....and I'm sticking to it!

Oh, did I mention, the first time isn’t just scary and awkward, it can actually be FUN!?

Coming Soon: The obstacles in our heads